I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
