Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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