theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
