she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I believe in your delicious
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