just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize