I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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