It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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