Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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