it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
