I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
