We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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