i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
