did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
