you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
