I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
