I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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