i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
