smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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