DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
