you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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