Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were destined to go to rehab together
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize