im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
