she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
