just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
