about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
