just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
