I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
