Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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