; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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