I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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