I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
