Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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