I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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