Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
