Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize