I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
