physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im holly from the hills drunk
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
