She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
