Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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