Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
