Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am midnight drunk by noon
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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