so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They are going to name an STD after you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
