Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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