My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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