he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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