Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
