6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
