Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize