TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
