no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize