You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
