You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
