I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
