can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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