I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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