if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize