What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
