So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
