White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
