So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
