My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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