spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
