he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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