Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
