Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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