remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
